Bitten by Books
Imagine this: You are a character in an urban fantasy novel (my sympathies!) and you meet someone new and interesting. They’re sexy, assertive, and best of all, they’re into you. Things progress they way they naturally do so you invite them back to your place where, in the privacy of your bedroom, they cut your throat and kill you.
(Sorry about using the second person, but it’s necessary.)
What happens next in that UF story depends a great deal on who the killer is. If they’re a serial killer, you might come back as a vengeful ghost or other “ass-kicker of the fantastic” (to steal a line from Kurt Busiek). Barring that, you might move on to the afterlife: heaven, hell, whatever the setting’s cosmology suggests.
However, if the killer is a vampire, you will more than likely find yourself ostracized by God.
Why is it that so many modern urban fantasy novels continue to use the trope that crosses and crucifixes will drive away vampires if not burn them like a red-hot poker? Put aside the problematic way it reflects on other religious traditions; the Christian god is supposed to be a god of love and forgiveness (with a temper, but still). Causing agonizing burns on people for the “sin” of being a victim?
Seems to me this gets things exactly wrong in the same way that honor-killing assholes get things wrong.
Don’t misunderstand. My objections are not theological; I’m an atheist. I don’t work in any particular god’s public relations department. It just seems like terrible world-building and a remnant of deeply-embedded victim-blaming that we’ve been trying to expunge from our culture. If only it would go away for good.
Now, I’ve heard a number of objections since I first started saying this. One is that vampires are somehow outside of Nature (always with an initial cap written or implied) and therefore rejected by God. I can’t say I understand that. Do crosses set fire to Neoprene? Because that stuff is not any part of Nature that I know of.
I’ve also heard that the problem lies with the vampires’ behavior, not their state of being. Vampires just out of the grave are victims, yes, but they soon start killing on their own.
Personally, I’m not moved by this, either. A fictional setting where crosses sizzle against the skin of a killer, any killer, would be one where police departments would have a much easier time solving cases than in the real world.
Also, will crosses ward off an attacking bear in this novel? If a hungry shark or a tiger closes in on the protagonist, can she drive them off with a flash of a holy symbol?
Because that’s what drives vampires to kill: they eat to survive, just like people, horses, cute little koala bears, and pretty, pretty songbirds. Sharks aren’t evil, just dangerous, and vampires are the same.
A more compelling argument comes from Joss Whedon (or possibly the imaginary version of him that lives in my head): Vampires are dead bodies with demons in them, and the crosses are anathema to the demons, not the person they’re animating.
Never mind that even vampires with souls will burn at the touch of a cross (I’m keeping that vague for folks catching up on the shows on DVD). I can’t really expect that a TV show will have a rigorously coherent cosmology over so many seasons. Still, it seems like Special Snowflake-ism that human beings can be forgiven for their sins but not God’s other creations.
I much prefer the way this was handled in the show REAPER, in which there was a big reveal that, outside of all expectations, a demon who had died trying to do the right thing was given a place in heaven by a just and loving god. That’s a benevolent deity I can believe in.
Finally, the most compelling counter-argument came from a friend who pointed out that, for many versions of the undead (especially older stories), people don’t rise again without choosing to do so. They “Embrace”, they drink the vampire’s blood, whatever.
Nevermind, again, that the victim is often under the control of the vampire. Nevermind that victims often can’t break free of this control unless their gaze accidentally falls on something that breaks the trance; you rarely see them throw off a vampire’s spell through raw willpower alone. Most people can’t even resist a bag of potato chips. How well do we expect them to do against a well-dressed he-man with the smouldering gaze and abs like a pack of hot dogs.
Which means we’re back, again, to a Sin That Makes God Turn Away. It was my understanding that there was no such thing.
For myself, the book I’m working on now has vampires in it. I’m planning to have them pray for guidance, visit a chapel, and generally behave like any other person with murderous compulsions they wish they could control.
However! That book is a few years off. If you’ve managed to read this far, you deserve a little prize, so how about a contest? We all know that vampires are harmed or repelled by sunlight, garlic, and polyester clothing (along with some other stuff, depending on the tradition you’re using), but what else will drive them away? Justin Bieber music? Books “written” by reality TV stars? Mullets?
Put your suggestions in the comments below, and the best three responses posted within the week will win a copy of my vampire-less novel, Game of Cages. The contest is open to anyone anywhere in the world. You can read more about that book, along with a few sample chapters at my website. My blog is there, but you can also find me on LiveJournal and Twitter.
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If you are an author with something to Speak Out about, we would love to hear from you! Please email Rachel through the contact page here: http://bittenbybooks.com/?page_id=20 and mention the Author Speak Out column.
We all know that vampires are harmed or repelled by sunlight, garlic, and polyester clothing (along with some other stuff, depending on the tradition you
One thing that I think would drie vampires (and anyone else away) is playing Dolly Parton singing Stairway to Heaven.
Silver, Salt, and the remodeled Walmart that now have the inside lighting gauged to intense sunlight, has me wearing sunglass indoors.
I thought Wal-mart was a vampire breeding ground! It does suck the life out of us.
It was until some succubus/incubus decide to light the place up, now the poor vampire sizzles under intensity.
So I completely get where you’re coming from with why is it that crosses burn again? I won’t go into my own issues with it because I tend to ramble on and on and then it turns into a rant, that sometimes doesn’t make sense.
So long story short I think it is the author’s world and they can do whatever they want within it. And I figure there will be a particular explanation within the mythology of their vamps for why they are the way they are.
Also there are quite a few mythologies that have vampires not being affected by crosses, churches and holy water. Karen Chance’s series pops into my head in particular, where one vampire is not only Catholic, but used holy water to wash off dirt. It was a pretty funny scene actually.
So what would drive a vampire away? I have to say Justin Bieber music does it for me along with a few other choice people.
But what if whatever you were afraid or found truly annoying in life, was the thing that actually drove you away in death. So it’s personal and individual for each vampire. Deathly afraid of clowns in life, stay away from the circus as a vamp. Maybe snakes scared the crap out of you in life and that is what drives away that particular vampire. Hey, why not?!
Being a Christian myself I do understand the reasoning behind the Cross burning the vampire or demon- The Cross is the symbol of Christ dying for the world’s sins since He was the Son of God and the only human to have lived a sinless life (no matter what you may read from Dan Brown…. who has more credibility: a book that has been around for over 2,000 years or a man that has lived less then 60 years?) Anyways- by acknowledging that vampires are of a demon-ish type of being by not being truely a living human; the Bible specifically states to rebuke anything that is unholy and not of God’s kingdom and since Christians are saved through Christ’s death on the Cross (thus saving anyone who believes and receives Christ as their savior from eternal damnation in Hell) a Christian will use the Holy name of Christ along with his death on the Cross to rebuke anything unholy or of Satan. Hope I was able to explain that well enough that it does not appear as rambling and actually makes some sense…
Anyways- I do like to read books about anything SciFi or paranormal as an entertainment and tend to look past the idea of what the charector is (vampire, shape shifter, ect.) and enjoy the story being told.
And if anything at all that I would find hilarious to see a vampire do is to be either repelled by certain blood types more like a food allergy for us, or maybe have the vamp be unable to go out in the night so they would only be daywalkers instead of night stalkers. If your going to break a sterotype for a vampire why not have them be the two largest traits a vamp has!?!
I think the blood-type food allergy idea is terrific (and hilarious!)
Blood type allergies is a terrific idea. You’re book winner number two. Please send a mailing address to harry at harryjconnolly dot com and I’ll send you a copy of GAME OF CAGES this week.
I sometimes wonder if a vampire’s obsessive need to count seeds thrown into their path or to unknot a string or net could be successfully transferred to the internet. A vampire would be stalking across the room toward me, and I’d gesture toward my monitor and say “Have you seen this blog post about breast-feeding, childhood obesity, and religion?”
The vampire would be compelled to take hold of the mouse and catalog all of the internet drama. There’s no need for an Ellen Hutter to sacrifice herself, just set your computer by an east-facing window the the curtain drawn.
Hi Harry,
I enjoyed your post and agree with you completely.
I think hideous fashion will drive them away. Everyone knows that vampires are urbane and sophisticated, so seeing a loud, flowered print Hawaiian shirt should totally repulse them.
::closes closet door::
In Scott Westerfeld’s excellent vampire novel PEEPS the thing that causes vampirism causes its victims to shun things they loved in their former life, and explains why. The interludes with excerpts from Carl Zimmerman’s PARASITE REX are also very interesting (for the nonsqueamish).
I hadn’t thought of it in those terms before, but agree the “God hates victims” aspect of crosses vs. vampires seems very problematic. Maybe vampires predate the New Testament.
I think every writer needs to try to explain their book to a four-year-old; there’s nothing like having a child respond, “But why?” to every statement to get you thinking about the logic behind your world-building.
Brilliant post; I’d never considered the blaming-the-victim angle. That’s rather creepy.
As for what drives vampires away, a silver Volvo S60R.
Hm. I think part of the horrific appeal of vampire stories is exactly that: the (for some religious traditions) transgressive notion that such “sins from which God turns away” /do/ exist, and that God is thus not even remotely omnibenevolent. That all is not ultimately decided according to justice, with the righteous ultimately rewarded. That some sin is actually outside our control and thus its punishment is not just, but arbitrary. I think that ultimate loss of control is part of good vampire horror (though generally lurking below the surface).
That, and in the old stories vampires rise from their graves, undead, after three days, so using a crucifix to repel them is fairly obvious symbology.
As it’s a world created by the author not God, anything the author deems suitable to repulse the vamp should work. I really like the idea that whatever they were afraid of in life would repulse them. Clowns, spiders, and snakes, oh my! I can just see this tall, dark and handsome vamp freaking out and running screaming down the street cause he saw a clown. lol, that would so make a great story. One of the best PR, I read was one of Lynsay Sand’s were the female vamp fainted at the sight of blood.
Wonderful! I enjoy all the stories with and with out crosses but you make a very good point. I await your version.
Salt, yes……How about sugar? Gotta keep those pearly whites white. And wouldn’t want to be thought of as “sweet”. We could even go so far as making it specific types of sugar or sugar based products, say flourecent colored sugar coated Peeps, frightning!
I’m sure vampires need a special brand of floss.
i loved this post - nice work! yeah, i’ve always kinda thought the cross thing should be the first rule to be broken in the vampire world, so to speak, as it’s too narrowing. what about the hindu vampires? or jewish vampires? remember in love at first bite, when dr. rosenberg holds up the star of david to ward off dracula? lol
i think if someone has allergies when they’re alive, they should have them when they’re a vampire as well, but maybe magnified….one of those trade-offs for having eternal life….
what else would drive my vamps away? bad emo bands, chick flicks, really strong bad smells (like burnt microwave popcorn), the guys from jackass, and oh yeah, definitely justin bieber!
k_sunshine1977 at yahoo dot com
“Damn! I knew it was the other one!”
lol
Won’t burnt microwave popcorn drive off pretty much everyone? It’s like saying “To kill a vampire, you much cut off it’s head!”
“Well, yeah. That’d work on me, too.”
For the burnt popcorn idea, you’re winner number three You’re book winner number one! Please send a mailing address to harry at harryjconnolly dot com and I’ll send you a copy of GAME OF CAGES this week.
How about some child friendly repellants? cat’s eye marbles, a shrinky dink necklace, slinky…I can just picture a vamp running from a stair descending slinky!
So enjoyed this post! The ending, especially on what “repells” them made me laugh.
Umm, I did have “one” thing I would think would repell vampires, but it not that very kind, and well it does have a fandom out there, so I will not put it down. Other than that my brain is too fried from writing this weekend and too exhausted to think of anything more to say
I would love more vampire tales with tainted blood either thru disease or pollution or just a natural immunity that sicken the vampire.
I would also like a big macho vampire to be scare of a friendly house cat.
I love Jaye Wells whos vampires face death by apple.
That’s awesome. I’ll be looking up her work now.
Well, seeing that we have some big elections looming, may I suggest that vampires are repelled by politics and all speeches promising to “fix everything”, and, worst of all, TV campaign ads and campaign cold calls, prerecorded and interrupting their latest feed.
Mary M., USA
Boybands doing 60s cover songs
From the more traditional stuff, I think the sound of church bells should drive vamps away, similarly to crosses and holy water.
also, as vampires are mainly blood-sucking creatures, any moskito, flea or tick repellent should help too, if used in generous quantities:)
I’d agree with Whedon’s explanation about why vampires can’t stand crosses. Other predators aren’t afraid of them simply because they are God’s creatures, and vampires aren’t. Maybe vamps are possessed by demons, or are some kind of devil’s creatures, but being related to the devil, they also have his weakness against anything holy, like crosses, holy water, churches etc. And maybe having a soul doesn’t make this connection to the evil go away, so the vampire with a soul
can be burned by a cross too.
Well I did get thru your rant so I do deserve a prize! If you are the author you can do what ever you want with the vampires. So why nit pick on other authors? It seems to me that you want controversy and at this time I’m rather tired of it. That is all you see in the news. I read to escape and have fun not to try and rewrite someone elses ideas.
I did like the idea that vampires would be repelled by politics, but that is only because november is coming so fast upon us. Lisa D.
If I wanted controversy, I’d be responding to people’s comments somewhat differently. I don’t have the patience (or the time) for a big row.
And yeah, authors can do what they want with their books. Obviously. But I’m not just another author, I’m a reader, too. Like every other reader out there, there are genre tropes that bug the hell out of me, and others that I love-and I speak up about them! Why not? My readers sure do.
Part of loving genre and storytelling is taking it seriously (sorta) and speaking up when something is problematic. My own work is both very violent and deeply concerned with the ways violence is used. And, you know, some people hate that, and tell me so. Me, I’m glad they do. It’s a great opportunity to share perspectives.
Yikes, am I rambling?
I think the television show Barney would kill them. Just sneak into his/her lair where you tivo’d the show and play it until they melt.
I really enjoyed your entry on the crucifix and such. I think the best idea I’ve come across in books I’ve read came in the idea that the cross only invoked power when the user of the cross truly believed in the faith behind it - like it was a sort of magic.
What would drive a vampire away? Edward Cullen.
Because he’s all sparkly a poor example of a vampire. A real vampire or tougher would not be scared of Edward Cullen, he would be “frightened away” like an adult or teen would walk away far and fast from Barney.
Honestly? Either Radio Disney, or Kanye West would be enough to put the fear of God.
Can you imagine Kanye? I’m sorry to interrupt and then he stakes the vampire!
“Yo Lestat, I’m really happy for you, I’mma let you finish but Dracula had one of the best bites of all time. One of the best bites of all time!”
Exactly! LOL. I couldn’t remember the actual quote from him!
I’m ashamed to admit how long it took me to Google it.
Your post cracked me up!
I would think vampires should be afraid of snow (and cold climates). I mean, they have a lower body temperature already, always in need of blood - they must have poor circulation, right? Frostbite would have to be a concern.
And they ought to be scared of stillettos, don’t you think?
A stilletto and a brown belt in tae kwan do would be a deadly combination.
But I’d think the cold would help keep them preserved. I can’t even keep a supermarket chicken fresh in my fridge meat drawer, but Anne Rice has vampires running all over hot, humid New Orleans? Pass the nose plugs.
I think that it is funny that everyone is against Justin Beiber but what if Justin was a vamp? Would it be a double negative so then he would be attracting vampires and repelling the living? (More then what he does already for some humans!)
Justin Beiber turned into a sexy vampire would be like a matter/anti-matter mixture. There would be a slow buildup of forces and then BOOM! Every supernatural creature and artifact above the horizon would have their magic blasted away.
Hmm. This is giving me an idea…
Great post, it’s made me smile this evening, which I didn’t think possible. I think vamps would be repelled by communists, hippies, and those small yipping dogs. (yes, I’ve been bitten recently, those things are terrors of the day and night!
How about Lady Gaga look-alikes, and people who drink lots of milk and eat dairy, because vamps can be lactose intolerant too. Thanks for this!! 
I dunno about Lady Gaga. I’d think a vampire would love a human in a meat suit.
I loved your post. While I am a Christian and get where the holy cross and holy water repels the vampire, I’m so tired of it! Now I’m definately not a writer and don’t think I could come up with something that would ever make it into a book. lol I just thought I’d let you know how much I enjoyed your post. Great work!!
I always thought that in order to become a vampire you had to in turn drink the vampire’s blood, but I guess it depends on what myth you go with. If you had to drink the vampire’s blood then you have more of a responsibility in supposedly making God turn from you, right? Although if you had had your blood sucked to the point of death and then were to be given the option of becoming a vampire so you could continue living and dying, either the fear and desperation or the need to see your loved ones again will probably make most people choose the sin. Plus the fact that you only have like a split second to make the choice will most likely end up with a lot of people being shunned by God, but they really can’t be blamed for making that choice. It is, after all, an innate instinct in all of us to survive, no matter what it takes.
I think because the myth originally made the vampire a creature of darkness and evil it’s natural that it would be repelled by holy water and the cross because I guess God is supposed to be all goodness and light. Now that so many books and stories have turned the vampire into something less black and white this issue has become more debatable.
If it was the old vampires (the evil ones) then I wouldn’t be surprised by their burning by the crosses. The vampires today are very different; they try to control their hunger and some try not to hurt others, so why should they be soulless and damned to hell? The burning depends on the author’s version of vampires. :/
Repelled? (Do we have to make it funny? DDD:) Hmm…they would be repelled by stupidity.
Hi Harry. Thanks for joining us here at BBB.
Okay, I would say vampires would be driven away by disco music, “reality” tv shows (not just the books written by those folks, as you suggested), so-called “political pundits” on a particular network that says it is news, and artificially-colored blue food (except for icing, which as we know is sometimes necessary).
Okay. I love the artificially-colored blue food. You’re book winner number one! Please send a mailing address to harry at harryjconnolly dot com and I’ll send you a copy of GAME OF CAGES this week.
Thanks, Harry! I will be in touch shortly.
First let me apologize for the delay in choosing book winners. I had a busy weekend. But I want to thank everyone for reading and for their suggestions. It’s been fun!