Loading ...What Flavor are You? by D. N. Lyons
Planetary wizards (and lovers) Mercury and Pluto are doing their best to survive a hot summer day in Avalon. Pluto has a cooler full of ice pops that look decidedly enticing to Mercury, only Pluto has no interest in simply handing the frozen treats over. Mercury’s efforts to teach Pluto a lesson may end up heating up the two lovers rather than cooling them off.
At its best, “What Flavor are You?”is an erotic tale. The sex acts in the story are highly descriptive and imaginative, though the graphic nature even had me squirming in my seat; when executed well questionable sex acts can be enjoyable, though “What Flavor” just misses that mark.
At its worst, the characters and storyline are both confusing and non-existent, respectively. Despite references to living in Avalon, being ruled by Camelot, and the presence of wizards and multiple deities, no real magic occurs. In reality, the lovers’ existence as wizards in a magical kingdom makes little sense - especially considering the existence of water coolers and ice pops. Everything in this world is strikingly mundane and the use of gods’ names for wizard is markedly disorienting.
My biggest complaint, however, is in the extreme lack of plot: it feels like a scene in a larger story that isn’t told. There is no real conflict or resolution, save for Mercury’s quest for an ice pop. There are intimations that lead the reader to believe that Mercury and Pluto are having some type of lover’s quarrel, though nothing ever really results from that element. Though Pluto’s passive-aggressive displays are apparently addressed, their presence make me question just how dedicated the two lovers are to one another.
Taking all this into consideration, I am rating this title at one tombstone.
Book Stats:
- e-book, digital format
- Publisher: Freya’s Bower
- Book Length: Micro
- Language: English
- ISBN: fbe0000129
To purchase an electronic copy of What Flavor are You? click here.
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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Hello there, Elizabeth—-if I may refer to you by your first name, as a surname wasn’t given; if not, please forgive my informality.
I really do appreciate your constructive criticism. It’s very nice to find someone who’s not afraid to thicken my skin without using a form letter to do it, as quite a few in our industry do. This having been my second review total, I’m glad there are people who represent both sides of the spectrum in relation to my work.
I will admit that at less than 6,000 words, it’s very hard to establish any sort of canon. Backstory is nonexistent in such a short work when the universe behind it has had over ten years of development—-with so many years, there comes to each character an argot, a camaraderie to one and an enmity to another. I had been tempted to double the count—-and even just explanations, a “little” backstory, would’ve pushed the word count far over their limit.
But this was published last year, when I was 23 years old, so for what it’s done, I will always consider it a very good way to enter the market at such a young age. Twenty years of writing experience at my age, 5/6ths of my life spent in my career already (and the proportion will only become larger as I go), still doesn’t prepare a novel writer to write something for a submissions call at 1/10th the size of their ***smallest*** works.
I’m pleased that I could find someone who doesn’t take me simply on merits, and actually evaluates and gives fitting and fully justifiable criticism. Keep in mind, though, I have been writing 60k, 70k, 80k novels for much of my young life, polishing, moving line upon line, matching an entire complex galaxy of information upon itself while standing on the temporal equivalent of the head of a pin. For years of backstory to materialise into a paragraph or two, well, that’s simply not possible. There is no way to place characteristics, that themselves must be explained with their own emotional fractal subsets, into such a tiny work.
But for a work that broke me into the market without a single rejection to its name (Mind you, this was the very *first* work I published, and not even a single NYT bestseller’s first **novels** are perfect), and at my age and equivalent demographic, it’s still quite an accomplishment. Before most of us become published, we have a hundred rejections. My age and lack of exposure to the market were double damns against me, and I ended up with a solidly built premise that shattered odds.
Now, if I were to have gone into the wizardry aspect of the story, the complete histories, everything that would have concretely placed them into a universe of their own and established it for further canon, it would’ve taken three times the word count just to get into the story.
I am a novel writer, and for me to write a short story, well, that’s just bonkers to expect the same amount of exponential depth. Short stories are just that, short. This having been my only one of anywhere under 50,000 words, I am fairly lucky to have been able to do it.
So I will accept your constructive opinion and further establish it as your constitutional right, and offer my rebuttal that I have not yet heard of a 23-year-old in my field who has produced anything so well-received without plagiarising more words than my story contains.
I think my first venture was acceptable, and further state that to live vicariously through a book is to truly understand its meaning to the author. Therefore, not many find true meaning, and if a book is only the value of its pages or size on a disc, the author remains sadly dreaming of the literary abandon of their childhood, when they could write what they felt with impunity.
I still write what I feel, with one difference—-it has made it outside of my inner sanctum and into the public view, though I have longsuffered and feared my life would tear itself apart when I became an author, and having come from a highly Christian family, knowing my relations are certain to abandon me as soon as they discover what I have written and still do.
I am not ashamed of this review, nor am I critical, nor saddened in the least—-in fact, I’m glad my bed is not all roses.
And as a hardworking, respectful follower of your site, I request your brush to be always tipped with the noble meld of suggestion and hope, and pray that it is never mired with the Stygian pitch of dismissal.
I am eagerly anticipating what you will say about the first novel I publish…, and I sincerely hope Bitten by Books will be willing to opine upon it just as I am willing and pleased to receive your honest review, Elizabeth. I certainly hope you don’t mind if I print this computer screen so I can preserve such a frank evaluation for my scrapbook. Such a thing will be excellent to reflect upon with my young son when he becomes old enough to see my works—-by then, there will be hundreds of books to show him.
Have a wonderful new year in the rites of creation and fortune, and may the wind always be upon your back, and the sun upon your face.
Yours in respectful attention,
D.N. Saint Augustin, nee Lyons
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Please pardon my misspelling of your name, Elisabeth. I didn’t intend for such a mishap, and I do hope best intentions haven’t been ruined by worst actions.
Regards.
D.N. Saint Augustin
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Ms. Augustin, might I suggest that you skim through some of the reviews posted on Bitten by Books that fall within the same size and style. I think you will be pleasantly surprised to find that there are many high rated works by authors more experienced in writing short stories. Perhaps seeing how they manage backstory and plot construction might be useful to you in future short stories endeavors. I hope that you’ll view this experience in a positive light as a learning opportunity.
I congratulate you on your success. As a newspaper columnist, I am limited to 700 words and so I absolutely understand the complexities of writing ’shorts’. I have neither the skill, determination or patience to write a novel, so I applaud you.
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Ms. Augustin, I appreciate the grace with which you received this review. I feel compelled to state that the reasons for my response had nothing to do with the fact that the two men are lovers (I actually love m/m romance) and that I truly felt that it felt like a snapshot of a larger story.
I also wanted to let you know that I would love to take a look at a longer work from you if the opportunity presents itself. I’m a woman of many words myself and it’s very likely I could never write something in so few as 6,000 words. It’s possible for others, but defintely not me.
I wish you much success in the future.
Elisabeth
P.S. I wasn’t offended by the misspelling of my name - it happens all the time.
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P.P.S. I think I goofed on your name as well. I should have said “Ms. Saint Augustin”. I offer many apologies.
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Why thank you! I was very nervous that I might have come across as arrogant. In truth I wasn’t intending to be—it was just as I said. I am very happy that there are differing opinions in the world.
And yes, when I write a short story, it really is just a piece of a larger one. To be honest, the short I wrote for Freya’s Bower was just a sweet little alternative exploration of side-story, since it was the first one I’d sought to publish, and who better to explore than wholly opposite people, the frequently immature Mercury, and the emotionally fragile Pluto?
After all, life isn’t always roses
But you can be certain that the book I am writing now, the first of the sagas I began as a schoolgirl, will go to you for its first review. I will certainly insist that you are my reviewer for that book, Elisabeth.
Ahh, Storm, that is where the difficulty lies, as I don’t write short stories regularly! ^_^ I don’t really prefer a short work anyway, as Elisabeth proved that a short story often is a camera shot of a larger pair of lives. I actually do think that if I am to write another short story, I will have to pluck two characters out of my world-ether that I’ve never written about, nor even mentioned in depth, so I can appropriately distance myself and create specifically for such a tale.
And, Elisabeth, I’m not entirely certain it was grace, as I simply felt it was an effort to redeem myself from seeming like a young breakout who didn’t really try to make her first effort shine. But yes, I’ve placed it in as graceful terms as I could.
Perhaps we can chat more in depth sometime, if you have an author’s blog you visit? I do enjoy speaking with other creative minds.
Thank you for your kind response, Elisabeth, and you as well, Storm. Both of you have conciliated me immensely on my worries. ^_^
……But, actually, the fault is mine, as I didn’t write “Mrs” upon my signature—-I’ve been married since September 4th of this year, and our little son is the product of a March-December marriage.
Have a lovely new year, and may all your dreams come true!
And by the way, please call me D.N..
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